Category Archives: Helpful Suggestions

One Hundred Bits of Wisdom

Captured from the internet:

1. There are plenty of ways to enter a pool. The stairs is not one of them.

2. Never cancel dinner plans by text message.

3. Don’t knock it ‘til you try it.

4. If a street performer makes you stop walking, you owe him a buck.

5. Always use “we” when referring to your home team or your government.

6. When entrusted with a secret, keep it.

7. DON’T underestimate free throws in a game of HORSE.

8. Just because you can doesn’t mean you should.

9. Don’t dumb it down.

10. You only get one chance to notice a new haircut.

11. If you’re staying more than one night, unpack.

12. Never park in front of a bar.

13. Expect the seat in front of you to recline. Prepare accordingly.

14. Keep a picture of your first fish, first car, and first girl/boyfriend.

15. Hold your heroes to a high standard.

16. A suntan is earned, not bought.

17. Never lie to your doctor.

18. All guns are loaded.

19. Don’t mention sunburns. Believe me, they know.

20. The best way to show thanks is to wear it. Even if it’s only once.

21. Take a vacation of your cell phone, internet, and TV once a year.

22. Don’t fill up on bread, no matter how good.

23. A handshake beats an autograph.

24. Don’t linger in the doorway. In or out.

25. If you choose to go in drag, don’t sell yourself short.

26. If you want to know what makes you unique, sit for a caricature.

27. Never get your haircut the day of a special event.

28. Be mindful of what comes between you and the Earth. Always buy good shoes, tires, and sheets.

29. Never eat lunch at your desk if you can avoid it.

30. When you’re with new friends, don’t just talk about old friends.

31. Eat lunch with the new kids.

32. When traveling, keep your wits about you.

33. It’s never too late for an apology.

34. Don’t pose with booze.

35. If you have right of way. TAKE IT.

36. You don’t get to choose your own nickname.

37. When you marry someone, remember you marry their entire family.

38. Never push someone off a dock.

39. Under no circumstances should you ask a woman if she is pregnant.

40. It’s not enough to be proud of your ancestry, live up to it.

41. Don’t make a scene.

42. When giving a thank you speech, short and sweet is best.

43. Know when to ignore the camera.

44. Never gloat.

45. Invest in great luggage.

46. Make time for your mom on your birthday, It’s her special day too.

47. When opening presents, no one likes a good guesser.

48. Sympathy is a crutch, never fake a limp.

49. Give credit. Take Blame.

50. Suck it up every now and again.

51. Never be the last one in the pool.

52. Don’t stare.

53. Address everyone that carries a firearm professionally.

54. Stand up to bullies. You’ll only have to do it once.

55. If you’ve made your point, stop talking.

56. Admit it when you’re wrong.

57. If you offer to help don’t quit until the job is done.

58. Look people in the eye when you thank them.

59. Thank the bus driver.

60. Never answer the phone at the dinner table.

61. Forgive yourself for your mistakes.

62. Know at least one good joke.

63. Don’t boo. Even the ref is somebody’s son.

64. Know how to cook one good meal.

65. Learn to drive a stick shift.

66. Be cool to younger kids. Reputations are built over a lifetime.

67. It’s okay to go to the movies by yourself.

68. Dance with your mother/father.

69. Don’t lose your cool. Especially at work.

70. Always thank the host.

71. If you don’t understand, ask before it’s too late.

72. Know the size of your boyfriend/girlfriends clothes.

73. There is nothing wrong with a plain t-shirt.

74. Be a good listener. Don’t just take your turn to talk.

75. Keep your word.

76. In college always sit in the front. You’ll stand out immediately. Come grade time might come in handy.

77. Carry your mother’s bags. She carried you for 9 months.

78. Be patient with airport security. They are just doing their job.

79. Don’t be the talker in a movie.

80. The opposite sex likes people who shower.

81. You are what you do. Not what you say.

82. Learn to change a tire.

83. Be kind. Everyone has a hard fight ahead of them.

84. An hour with grandparents is time well spent. Ask for advice when you need it.

85. Don’t litter.

86. If you have a sister, get to know her boyfriend. Your opinion is important.

87. You won’t always be the strongest of fastest. But you can be the toughest.

88. Never call someone before or after 9 AM and 9PM.

89. Buy the orange properties in Monopoly.

90. Make the little things count.

91. Always wear a bra at work.

92. There is a fine line between looking sultry and slutty. Find it.

93. You’re never too old to need your mom.

94. Ladies, if you make the decision to wear heels on the first date commit to keeping them on and keeping your trap shut about how much your feet kill.

95. Know the words to your national anthem.

96. Your dance moves might not be the best, but I promise making a fool of yourself is more fun than sitting on the bench alone.

97. Smile at strangers.

98. Make Goals.

99. Being old is not dictated by your bedtime.

100. If you HAVE to fight, punch first and punch hard.

BIG BOOK THEOLOGY: “We Agnostics” and William James (By James R.)

Some thoughts on theology and 12 Step Programs

It is common knowledge that AA (and therefore the entire Twelve Step movement) had its birth within and evangelical Christian movement known as the Oxford Group. AA separated itself from the Oxford Group prior to the publication of the Big Book. The Big Book contains some religious language, but only mentions Jesus once, and then only in passing. This has left historians and AA members divided over some important questions. Just how Christian was early AA? Who is the God of the Big Book? Is this the Christian God, or can we really take this to mean a God of our own understanding?

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Bring Your Wheel Barrow and Shovel


“We have problems in Alano,

and many are praying and waiting for God to do something.
I just wonder if maybe our God isn’t waiting for us to do something.
And while no one is capable of doing everything;

Everyone is capable of doing something.”
Paraphrased from Ronald Reagan.

Two Wolves


Two Wolves

Once a brave when to his elder, to speak of his anger toward a friend who had done him an injustice.  The Elder listened, then replied:

            “At times I too have felt great fury at those who have taken so much with no sorrow for what they do.  But hate destroys you and does not harm your enemy.  I struggled with these feelings many times.”

            The Elder continued, “It is as if there are two wolves inside me; one is good and does no harm.  He lives in harmony with all around him, and does not take offense when no offense was intended.  He will only fight when it is right to do so, and then he fights in the right way.

            “But…the other wolf…Ah!  The littlest thing will send him into a fit of temper.  He is vengeful, angry, and violent.

            “It is hard to live with these two wolves inside me, for both try to dominate my spirit.  The same fight goes on inside you, and inside every other human as well.”

            The Brave paused in deep reflection, then asked, “Grandfather, which wolf will win the fight?”

            The Elder replied, “The wolf that you feed”.


Cognitive Distortions (Stinking Thinking)


Cognitive Distortions

(Stinking Thinking)


1.      All or nothing thinking—

a.      Everything is black or white

b.      The basis of perfectionism

c.       Feelings of rejection, disappointment, depression

2.      Over-generalization—

a.      Arbitrarily conclude that a single negative event will occur again and again.

3.      Selective negative focus—

a.      Pick out a negative detail, dwell on it, exaggerate it, everything becomes negative.

4.      Disqualifying the positive—

a.      Disregarding compliments

b.      Swallowing negative

5.      Arbitrary interference—

a.      Mind reading – drawing negative conclusion

b.      Negative predictions

6.      Magnification or minimization—

a.      Tendency to exaggerate weak points about self and to minimize good points.

7.      Emotional reasoning—

a.      Take emotions as evidence for truth

                                                                                      i.      Feel guilty so must have done something wrong

                                                                                    ii.      Feel hopeless so the problem is impossible

8.      Should Statements

a.      Feel guilty about what we “should” be doing of have done.

9.      Labeling and mislabeling—

a.      Creating completely negative image based on focus on negative.

b.      Exaggerated thoughts create exaggerated emotions then exaggerated actions, etc.

c.       “One error does not a failure make”

10.  Personalization—

a.      The mother of guilt

                                                                                      i.      “Where did I go wrong?”

                                                                                    ii.      Feel rejecting of self.

Lessons From the Geese

Lessons From The Geese

This fall, when you see geese heading south for the winter flying along in a ‘V” formation, you might consider what science has discovered as to why they fly that way.

FACT:  As each bird flaps its wings, it creates “uplift” for the bird immediately following.  By flying in a “V” formation, the whole flock has at least 71% greater flying range than if each bird flew on its own.
LESSON:  People who share a common direction and sense of community can get where they are going more quickly and easily because they are traveling on the thrust of one another.
FACT:  When a goose flies out of formation, it suddenly feels drag and resistance of trying to go it alone.  It quickly gets back into formation to take advantage of the lifting power of the bird in front of it.
LESSON:  If we have as much commons sense as a goose, we stay in formation with those heading where we want to go.  We are willing to accept their help and give our help to others.  It is harder to do something alone than together.
FACT:  When the lead goose gets tired, it rotates back into the formation, and another goose flies to the point position.
LESSON:  It is sensible to take turns doing the hard and demanding tasks and sharing leadership.  As with geese, people are interdependent of each other’s skills, capabilities, and unique arrangements of gifts, talents, or resources.
FACT:  The geese flying in formation honk from behind to encourage those up front to keep up their speed.
LESSON:  We need to make sure our honking is encouraging.  In groups where there is encouragement, the production is much greater.  The power of encouragement (to stand by one’s heart or core values and encourage the heart and care of others)is the quality of honking we seek.  We need to make sure our honking is encouraging and not discouraging.
FACT:  When a goose gets sick, wounded, or shot down, two other geese will drop out of formation with that goose and follow it down to lend help and protection.  They stay with the fallen goose until it dies or is able to fly again.  Then, they launch out on their own, or with another formation to catch up with their flock.
LESSON:  If we have the sense of a goose, we will stand by our colleagues and each other in difficult times as well as in good.



       The longer I live, the more I realize the impact of attitude on life.  Attitude, to me, is more important than facts.  It is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than failures, than successes, than what other people think, say, or do.  It is more important than appearance, giftedness, or skill.  It will make or break a company, a church, a home.  The remarkable thing is we have a choice every day regarding the attitude we will embrace for that day.  We cannot change our past – we cannot change the fact people will act in a certain way.  We cannot change the inevitable.  The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have, and that is our attitude – I’m convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% how I react to it.



Can be attained if you. . . . .

  • · Care more than others think is wise.
  • · Risk more than others think is safe.
  • · Dream more than others think is practical.
  • · Expect more than others think is possible.

Giving the Group Your Best

Giving the Group Your Best

12 Step Programs center on the all-volunteer self-help group.  In all cases, a  group works best for its members with help from its members.  To get the most out of your group, you should be prepared to put things into it.  Consider the following suggestions:

  • •    Remain committed to recovery.  This group cannot do its real job for you if your attitude is shaky.  Keep your commitment strong.
  • •    Attend the meetings.  Your absence takes from the group – your presence gives to it.  As with so many things in life, just being where you know you should be can be half the battle.
  • •    Be open and honest with yourself and others.  This group can be the right place to take risks, to stumble, and to learn to succeed and to be your true self.
  • •    Get to know each member and be available to each other.  The problems and progress of others in the group affect you.  We need each other.
  • •    Create friendship.  Reach out and take chances.  Others here might even become good, close friends.
  • •    Bring good cheer and optimism to the meetings.  We need good feelings, and we all have the power to create them and not just wait for them.
  • •    Ask for what you need.  If you want your issues addressed, speak up, Make the meetings work for you.
  • •    Learn through the group wisdom.  Through the group, solutions to many problems are available to you.  Pay attention to what others have to say, and you may hear many important things you did not even think about before.
  • •    Be prepared to act when you see a member going astray.  Confront him or her in a respectful and honest way.  If you need support to do this, get it.
  • •    Offer a good word when someone does well.  We know how tough it can be.  Sincere approval is precious.
  • •    Honor the group rules.  The rules express the needs of a recovering group.  Just as you should not cheat in recovery, do not disregard the rules in the recovery group.
  • •    Make your contributions count.  Think, get to the point, and be practical.  Do not show off or hog the time.
  • •    Help get things done.  If something needs doing – do it.  After all, it is a self-help group.
  • •    Be trustworthy.  Honor confidentiality and do what you say you will do for others.
  • •    Strive to be a person of your word.
  • •    Share the group with your partners in recovery.  Bring them to meetings when appropriate and encourage them to know this part of your life.
  • •    Give back to others.  You will have valuable insights and experiences.  Please share them so that others can learn from you and so you will not forget.

Definition of a Mature Person

Three Founders

Definition of a Mature Person

The mature person has developed attitudes in relationship to him/herself and to the environment, which has lifted him/her above “childishness” in thought and behavior.

  1. Accept criticism gratefully, being honestly glad for an opportunity to improve yourself
  2. Do not indulge in self-pity.  Begin to feel the laws of compensation operating in all facets of your life.
  3. Do not expect special consideration from anyone.Control your temper.
  4. Meet emergencies with poise.
  5. Does not have feelings easily hurt.
  6. Accept responsibility for your own actions.
  7. Outgrow the ‘all or nothing’ stage.
  8. Learn to recognize that no person or situation is wholly good or bad, and begin to appreciate the Golden Mean.
  9. Be patient at reasonable delays.  Learn that you are not the arbitrator of the universe and that you must often adjust yourself to the other people and their convenience.
  10. Be a good loser.  Endure defeat and disappointment without whining or complaining to others or yourself.
  11. Do not worry about things you cannot help.
  12. Do not give yourself to boasting or ‘showing off’ in socially unacceptable, vile, annoying, or unwelcome ways.
  13. Be honestly glad when others enjoy success or good fortune.  It is time to outgrow envy and jealousy.
  14. Listen thoughtfully to the opinion of others.  Be open minded.  Do not become argumentative when your views are opposed.
  15. Do not be a chronic ‘fault finder’.
  16. Plan things in advance rather than trusting to the inspiration of the moment.


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