People Pleasing – from Hazeldon

Today’s thought from Hazelden is:

People Pleasers

Have you ever been around people pleasers? They tend to be displeasing. Being around someone who is turned inside out to please another is often irritating and anxiety producing.

People pleasing is a behavior we may have adapted to survive in our family. We may not have been able to get the love and attention we deserved. We may not have been given permission to please ourselves, to trust ourselves, and to choose a course of action that demonstrated self trust.

People pleasing can be overt or covert. We may run around fussing over others, chattering a mile a minute when what we are really saying is, “I hope I’m pleasing you.” Or, we may be more covert, quietly going through life making important decisions based on pleasing others.

Taking other people’s wants and needs into consideration is an important part of our relationships. We have responsibilities to friends and family and employers. We have a strong inner responsibility to be loving and caring. But, people pleasing backfires. Not only do others get annoyed with us, we often get annoyed when our efforts to please do not work as we planned. The most comfortable people to be around are those who are considerate of others but ultimately please themselves.

Help me, God, work through my fears and begin to please myself.


People Pleasing

Read over these statements to see if they apply to you under some circumstances:

  • I try to be who someone wants me to be.
  • am afraid to rock the boat.
  • It is hard for me to know what I want.
  • I avoid speaking my mind.
  • I find it easier to go along with what someone wants or with their opinion.
  • I fantasize about a strong person taking over my life and making it work.
  • It is hard for me to express my feelings when they are different from someone I’m close to.
  • It is difficult for me to say No.
  • I avoid getting angry.
  • It is hard for me to take initiative.
  • I try to be nice rather than expressing how I really feel.
  • I want everyone to get along.

If any of these statements are true the consider reading more:

The People-Pleasing Pattern

Al-Anon Presents Four 12 Step Programs

New Hope Al-Anon
401 S. 11th, St. Joseph Missouri
December 9, 2015
Wednesday – 5:30 to 7:30 PM
First time ever speaker’s meeting representing four 12 Step Programs.
AA – Angi A
GA – Shirley M.
NA – Sherri C.
Al-Anon – Dora J.
Speakers begin at 6:00, each speaking for 20 minutes.
Festive spirit and snacks provided
Please join us at this unifying event

New Hope Al-Anon has a fresh look

New Hope Al-Anon began last January with one meeting a week.  We now meet Monday, Wednesday, and Friday at 5:30 PM.  This past month we have been actively working to create a new fresh look for our meeting room.

This room restoration was completed with Al-Anon labor and material donations.  Some serious elbow grease coupled with positive enthusiasm saw the job through.

For those unfamiliar with Al-Ann – it is a program for the families of alcoholics.  At present all of New Hope Al-Anon meetings are open so we do not exclude the families of other addicts.

Here are a few photos of the completed room:

Alanon to nw


Alanon 010

Alanon 009

Alan looking south

Alanon- Understanding Tradition Eleven and Social Media

Understanding Tradition Eleven and Social Media

The Forum March 2014


The Al-Anon WSO Facebook pages have been quite successful in reaching a broad audience.  Because it is a new form of media, members have asked how they can use social media within the confines of the Legacies.  A member recently asked if sharing posts is honoring Tradition Eleven. 

Understanding Tradition Eleven and Social Media 001Tradition Eleven touches on two main topics, attraction versus promotion and anonymity at the level of the media.

Members can easily maintain their anonymity by not mentioning their membership or making comments that imply membership.  When people share a post on Facebook, they have the option of adding a comment.  To ensure that one’s anonymity is not being compromised, members are encouraged not to use this feature.

To understand the difference between attraction and promotion, it may be helpful to remember that attraction is simply sharing information, and then letting go, allowing the other person to learn more at their own initiative rather than trying to convince someone, make promises about what the program will do, or give advice – that would be promotion.

An example of attraction is when members leave copies of Al-Anon Faces Alcoholism, Al-Anon’s public outreach magazine, in a doctors’ office.  If patients are interested, they’ll pick up a copy and learn Al-Anon could help them.  On the other hand, is it promotion if members try to convince someone to take a copy of Al-Anon Faces Alcoholism, or insist that they should read an article that will “really help them”. 

Al-Anon’s Step Twelve encourages all members to share Al-Anon’s message of hope with others who may be suffering from the effects of a loved one’s drinking.  This would be impossible without attraction.

Would you consider participating in this fellowship-wide outreach project?  Find us on Facebook and Twitter by searching for “Al-Anon WSO”.

If you would like to learn more about the difference between attraction and promotion, please refer to Al-Anon/Alateen Service Manual (P-24/27), p 107.