Once a brave when to his elder, to speak of his anger toward a friend who had done him an injustice. The Elder listened, then replied:
“At times I too have felt great fury at those who have taken so much with no sorrow for what they do. But hate destroys you and does not harm your enemy. I struggled with these feelings many times.”
The Elder continued, “It is as if there are two wolves inside me; one is good and does no harm. He lives in harmony with all around him, and does not take offense when no offense was intended. He will only fight when it is right to do so, and then he fights in the right way.
“But…the other wolf…Ah! The littlest thing will send him into a fit of temper. He is vengeful, angry, and violent.
“It is hard to live with these two wolves inside me, for both try to dominate my spirit. The same fight goes on inside you, and inside every other human as well.”
The Brave paused in deep reflection, then asked, “Grandfather, which wolf will win the fight?”
The Elder replied, “The wolf that you feed”.
1. All or nothing thinking—
a. Everything is black or white
b. The basis of perfectionism
c. Feelings of rejection, disappointment, depression
a. Arbitrarily conclude that a single negative event will occur again and again.
3. Selective negative focus—
a. Pick out a negative detail, dwell on it, exaggerate it, everything becomes negative.
4. Disqualifying the positive—
a. Disregarding compliments
b. Swallowing negative
5. Arbitrary interference—
a. Mind reading – drawing negative conclusion
b. Negative predictions
6. Magnification or minimization—
a. Tendency to exaggerate weak points about self and to minimize good points.
7. Emotional reasoning—
a. Take emotions as evidence for truth
i. Feel guilty so must have done something wrong
ii. Feel hopeless so the problem is impossible
8. Should Statements
a. Feel guilty about what we “should” be doing of have done.
9. Labeling and mislabeling—
a. Creating completely negative image based on focus on negative.
b. Exaggerated thoughts create exaggerated emotions then exaggerated actions, etc.
c. “One error does not a failure make”
a. The mother of guilt
i. “Where did I go wrong?”
ii. Feel rejecting of self.